Some people…they just don’t get it !
For you to get it… take a long pause after every ‘Basically’…(read as basikalleee….) and take your own time to complete it.
A guy has been newly recruited by Accenture. He was asked to come and meet K in Bay 58, 10am the next day.
The next day our guy arrives at front gate. He is very excited and happy and thankful to god for he has got a job at a time when GM’s shares have fallen below that of Hot wheels(read as financial crisis) and that too in a reputed MNC. Our guy is determined to make a good impression and make his day a great one.
Our guy enters the front gate and he sees someone passing by…(Its our S) and asks him if he works for Accenture so that he could help him get to bay 58. Let us see what the future has in store for him…….
NewGuy: Hi Sir, GoodMorning….
S: (doesn’t even let him complete) Hmm… I am not interested.
NewGuy: Sir do you work for Accenture ?
S: (smiles at him) Basically, I work for a software firm. It is also a MNC. We do software consulting. That means we write code for clients to get their job done in a better way. Our clients come from different industries. Example Finance, Telecommunications, High Tech, Entertainment, Defense etc. And sometimes we do deliver high performance….
NewGuy: Sir… do… you… work… for… Accenture?
S: (takes a cold look at him) Basically… (rolls up his eyes, gets engrossed in thought and after 2 min)…yes.
NewGuy feels bad thinking that he might have been rude to the gentleman…
NewGuy: Thank you Sir. Could you tell me how do I get to Bay 58 ?
S: Basically… it depends in which way you want to enter the office. Do you want to enter from the reception or the parking lot ?
NewGuy: Which one is nearer ?
S: Basically…it again depends, if you enter from the reception side. You should first swipe your access card at the gate. Hmmm… wait a sec. Its not swiping…You should actually put your access card against the sensor so that the red light gives a beep and turns blue and the door can be opened. Swiping is somewhat different… usually you swipe your credit cards, meal cards and that kind of stuff. Then you again put your access card at the sensor at next gate after you enter reception. Be aware you should always display your access card in office. There will be security to check that…. Ha….ha…ha
S: Basically I forgot… where are we ?
NewGuy: Sir, we just swiped…oh sorry put our access card against the sensor at the second gate after reception.
S: (gives him a colder look…)Basically… we should always be very clear in our communication. It should be to the point and very formal. It’s not like we are talking to our childhood friends. You should say…”second gate after reception”. See how clearly I put it.
NewGuy : “Second gate after reception…” (wants to end the sentence with a ‘Sir’ but wouldn’t dare).
S: Hmm… Basically…now if you take a left you will go to the recreation room and gym facilities. If you take a right you will go to our cafeteria. So Basically you should take your right for sometime and then after sometime you should take your left…. And then…
NewGuy…(and then… I have to slap my face left and right).
NewGuy: Sir I would rather take the route from parking lot… could you please tell me that ?
S: (gets angry with him…) Basically…we should always complete the task at hand and then think of alternatives. If there is no focus…LIKE YOU, we get illusioned and can’t reach our goal. See you lost track of what im saying because you were not focusing.
NewGuy: (feels sorry) Sir we can continue with the reception route…
S: NO… Basically… if once I have changed my mind that’s it ! I will tell you the parking lot route. Now listen with focus and concentrate on my communication and…. don’t listen with concentration and focus on my communication. This is not rocket science.
NewGuy has lost his mind but hopes he doesn’t lose his way to bay 58.
S: Once you enter from the parking lot, right away you will have steps to go to first floor on left side.
S….looks at the NewGuy anticipating something…
S: Basically, You should ask questions… only then you will “really” understand.
NewGuy: (has a puzzled look on his face…doesn’t know what to ask) sir what should I ask ?
S: I said left side… you should ask me “whose left side ?”
NewGuy…still has a puzzled look.
S: If you have entered and if you are facing the blue board with different colored pins on it… some times the pins will be of the same color… then the steps would be on your LEFT side. If you have entered and if you are facing the blue board with all paper cuttings and some pins to hold the paper cuttings in place and some more pins just idle….or the lady security guard then there would be the blue board with pins of different colors to your LEFT side. If you have entered and if you are facing the steps then you would have the parking lot with different vehicles of Accenture employees and bpo cabs to your LEFT side. If you have entered and if you are facing the parking lot with different vehicles of Accenture employees and bpocabs then….
NewGuy: …then
S: Then you would have the blue board with paper cuttings and some pins to hold the paper cuttings in place and some more pins just idle… or the lady security guard to your LEFT side.
NewGuy: Feels like fainting but for the record he wants to make a note of the time he fainted. He tries hard but wouldn’t be able turn his face to have a look at his watch.
I believe that somehow his subconscious mind sent him a signal that his watch would be on his LEFT side.
NewGuy: Sir wouldn’t it be easier if I had just looked around for steps ?
S: See Basically…this is exactly why you guys don’t succeed. Where is the logic? Its not like searching for your bike in a large parking lot.
NewGuy: Sir I don’t have a bike.
S: (Gets so angry that our guy could feel the heat…) what did I say ? You don’t have focus…you don’t concentrate and you don’t listen. I am just giving you a logical example. Basically… you should understand the problem and solve it in a logical way.
S: Anybody can get a job.
NewGuy face beams up… thinks that the last sentence would be the perfect logical example for his punisher.
S: Basically now…. You should take the steps…. I mean you should walk over the steps… communication should be very clear….
NewGuy: Sir that means bay 58 is on first floor….
S: (gives a pleasant smile at him)… see you have learnt to be logical from me. Good. But as I said do not “interrupt”, let me finish…
S: Basically… The steps would be little taller than new born puppies and as you walk over…on the steps, not on the puppies….ha….ha……ha . You should be careful as you might get hit by the ceiling…it’s a bit low. There’s a sign saying “watch your step” …thank god it doesn’t say “watch your height”….. ha….ha….ha (breaks into uncontrollable laughter.)
NewGuy…wants to ask him something… but doesn’t wish to “interrupt” him.
S: Basically…I am getting late to work… but still I would help you. It gives me pleasure to impart wisdom on ignorant people.
NewGuy… feels cheated by the interviewer.
S: Now I would explain it to you in a faster way.
Basically… after you come upstairs and if you are facing bay 54, then take a right and walk along you can reach bay 58. If you are not facing bay 54… then face bay 54 and then take a right and walk along so that effectively you will reach bay 58 by taking a right after facing bay 54. I mean u need not always face bay 54 when you take a right and walking towards bay 58 but you should face bay 54 when taking a right and start walking. Understand… you just need to focus and concentrate. You should religiously follow what i am saying...this is not rocket science.
NewGuy…nods his head in agreement and quickly moves away….before he falls into a seizure.
Our guy not knowing anything to do…approaches a security guard and asks him to accompany him till bay 58.
The guard leaves him at bay 58. His gesture makes our guy regain faith in humanity. Our guy pulls up all his positive energy to make a good impression with his new team.
He goes inside and sees S sitting a few paces to the left.
Both of them exchange a smile.
Our guy meets K and introduces himself. K asks him to wait for 5 min and walks upto S. Both of them are involved in an articulated discussion for sometime.
Both of them come to our guy…
K: Please meet your new Team lead S.
NewGuy: Basically……………… I had just Quit.
If you still want our new guy to take up the job sms ‘PAIN’ to 101. Lines open till the end of time.
